Love Dare Day 1

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Originally, I had planned to post just once a week.  However, I need a way to hold myself accountable to this dare, and I have decided to post every day about the dare I completed.  I also realized that posting a weeks worth of dares in one day would make for a VERY long post:)  So, here is my day 1 adventure…

Dare 1:  The first part of this dare is fairly simple.  Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the conditions of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.  If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything.  It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you will regret.  (excerpted from The Love Dare)

Background:  One of my favorite books in the entire Bible is 1 Corinthians.  Notably, chapter 13 and its discussion of love.  We are nothing without love.  If we do “good” things but do not have the love behind it, it means nothing to God.  If I donate a bunch of items to a charity event just so I won’t look bad or just so everyone things I am great, God will know and He will not be happy.  If I donate the same items with a heart to do so and a desire to truly help others, God will know where my heart truly is.  Love is important to everybody, and we should all work hard to portray it (even though God is the only one who really knows about it sometimes).  Love is also patient.  Maintaing patience after someone upsets us is not easy.  Our gut reaction when we have been wronged is to turn in anger and wrong right back.  As Kendrick explains, “The irony of anger toward a wrongful action is that it spawns new wrongs of its own.”  Patience, or the lack thereof, can make or break a marriage.  Beginning to demonstrate patience is the beginning of our race together to build stronger, happier marriages.

My Experience:  Most of my friends will tell you that I am a very patient person…and I generally am.  However, being patient with my husband is not always easy.  In fact, I find it hardest to be patient with him.  As I strived to be patient, I had to overlook many of the things that would normally make me negative toward him.  I find it all too easy to think disapproving thoughts about him, and expect him to live up to my (sometimes) impossible standards.  He had promised he would start helping me with dishes when he got home from work.  When he did get home, he was not feeling well and decided to rest on the couch and watch TV.  My normal reaction would be to list all of the things I had accomplished that day and complain about him not being able to help out with one simple task.  However, since I was dared to be patient and not be negative, I decided to leave him alone and ask if there was anything I could get for him.  It was (really) not easy for me to allow him to rest.  In fact, I had to walk out of the room for a few minutes when I first saw him on the couch to keep me from opening my mouth (which has been known to get me into trouble at times).  I am sure (hope) he appreciated not being nagged, even though I had  a huge list of things I wanted him to get done and I was ready to talk to an adult about my day.  But, at the end of the day, I felt it was worth it.  Now…if I can only keep this up a little longer….

Was it hard for you to remain patient?  How did you help yourself keep calm?

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2 responses »

  1. I think this is a good idea. Sometimes it’s hard to know the whole story and we go into nag mode before we know what’s going on. In the reverse, my fiance came home one day and I had cleaned the entire house except for the dishes and set up a surprise in our bedroom by putting I ❤ YOU on the mirror in sticky notes and writing on each note a reason why I loved him. He came home and kissed me and looked at the sink and said, you didn't do the dishes. I got SO mad.

    • Thanks for sharing, Sasha. I would have been upset, too. It can be difficult keeping it cool when we feel like all of the things we have done throughout the day go unnoticed while the one thing we can’t manage to finish is pointed out. I am trying to be patient even when that happens, and I would have had to not to say anything at all in response. If I had responded to that, I am sure a fight would have followed;) We can’t change our men no matter how hard we try, but we can change our response toward them (even when it doesn’t seem fair). That lesson is one I am beginning to learn, although it is much easier to say than to do.

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